I had a major screw up recently. It cost me a client actually. Call it a miscommunication, but they needed more of my time than I was able to give, and in all honesty, I didn’t even meet the maximum hours I told them I could give.
I sound like a really crappy contractor, don’t I? And in this particular case, I was. The client made a wise decision in ceasing our partnership, and all I could do was apologize and offer what I could to make things right.
While I sincerely feel bad about what happened, I learned a really good lesson from this experience.
Surely you’ve heard about “side hustlers.” Those people who try to “have it all” – a full-time job for a steady, dependable income to support their families all the while they’re working towards their dreams late into the midnight hours.
Side hustlers are notorious for cramming as much work in as they can into their spare time. In the process, they sacrifice the ability to direct their resources elsewhere like nurturing relationships, self-care, and most important of all, sleep.
What happens when you do not nurture your relationships? People (children and adults alike) become resentful and start acting out. They begin looking elsewhere for attention and gratification. Or even worse – they don’t even bother trying to get your attention anymore because they don’t want to be disappointed.
What happens when you neglect self-care? You get sick three times in two months. You feel weak, fatigued, and irritable ALL THE TIME. You become a shell of the jovial, charismatic person you used to be and you enter a robotic state of monotony.
We all know what happens when you lose sleep at the expense of trying to achieve your “dream life.” Sacrificing actually dreams in the process can lead to lack of concentration, weight gain, and indefinite burnout.
My life had become the perfect storm, all thanks to my inability to say “No” and my desire to be the “Yes” woman I thought I had to be to create a better version of myself.
Here’s what happened after I lost the gig: I took a walk in the park.
Some of the world’s greatest philosophers and innovators (Aristotle, Henry David Thoreau, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg) have been noted to take long walks to help them think.
Not only is walking a time to reflect, but it is also a time decompress and rejuvenate. Maybe even accidentally create?
I set out on my walk with only one expectation – to be present. I wanted to look at the sun beams through the trees and feel the warmth of them on my skin. I listened to the fountain in the pond, and the ducks and birds quacking and squawking. I saw happy dogs walking with their owners. I breathed fresh air without rush and anticipation. I admired the natural world around me as it flowed, and for the first time in months, I felt peace. And then I cried.
Before you judge and write me off as a overly-emotional female stereotype, just hear me out.
First off, it was totally involuntary. At first, I couldn’t even figure out why I was crying. I wasn’t necessarily sad about losing the client.
And then I realize this was the first time in a long time that I thought about anything besides the next step, or the pile of shit that I had waiting for me on my “to-do list.” I was actually able to take in my surroundings and appreciate all that this life has to offer in its simplest form of being.
Nature has a lot to teach us when we let it. Like trees, for example. Trees don’t worry about the seasons of their life. When their leaves die off and the wind carries them away, they don’t panic about how soon the next ones will grow in. They are vulnerable, but steadfast. They know that they are simply there to just be and breathe, regardless of the circumstances.
Productivity is important. Moving forward is certainly important. But what happens when you have so much going on that you simply can’t imagine how you’ll ever get out from under it?
Sometimes, it takes losing what you thought was important to you to regain perspective about what is truly important.
Over the following weeks, my temperament changed. I was able to handle stressful situations with more grace. I felt less rushed with my son and was able to give him my patience rather than just trying to go through the motions with him. I enjoyed more quality time with my husband rather than sitting in front of my laptop on the couch next to him while giving my attention to other people’s needs rather than his. I’ve been able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour and I know that is a direct result of giving up the side hustle.
Working too hard is one of the top five regrets that nurses reported hearing from their dying patients. I do not want that to be one of my death bed regrets.
Although, for someone like me who thrives on constantly having wheels in motion, this slower paced lifestyle is most likely temporary. I think learning how to better balance my work life and personal life is the newest goal to come out of this experience.
Picking up smaller projects here and there but not committing (or over-committing) to “full-time” part-time work, spending time volunteering, and using my skill sets for good whenever I can will never stop being important to me. But I have to be sure to hone in on just one important skill set right now and it’s the skill that overrides all of the other skills: time management.
We only have so much time here. It’s the most frequently abused of our consumable resources. Choosing how to spend our time in the most fulfilling ways possible for the long run (or walk) is the biggest responsibility we have to ourselves.